When was the last time you felt truly seen by your partner? Not just heard, but genuinely understood, appreciated, and cherished? That spark — that “turn on in a relationship” — often starts with something deceptively simple: a bid for connection.

At Vuln Love, we’re all about helping couples build better relationships from day one, and for a lifetime. Our science-backed programs are designed to make those little moments of connection easier, more fun, and way more meaningful. Let’s dive into what a bid for connection really is, why it matters, and how you can use it to transform your relationship — without ever feeling like you’re in therapy.

What is a Bid For Connection?

A bid for connection is any attempt — big or small — to get your partner’s attention, affection, or support. It could be as obvious as asking, “How was your day?” or as subtle as reaching for their hand while watching TV. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, calls these “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” They’re the little pixels that make up the big picture of your love story.

Examples of Emotional Bids

  • Sharing a funny meme or story
  • Asking for a hug
  • Making eye contact and smiling
  • Saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed”
  • Sending a quick text just to check in

These are all bids for attention in relationships. They’re your way of saying, “Hey, I want to connect with you.” And how your partner responds — what Gottman calls “turning towards” — is where the magic happens.

Turning Towards: The Real Turn On in Relationship

Research shows that couples who consistently turn towards each other’s bids are far more likely to stay together and feel satisfied in their relationship. In fact, Gottman’s studies found that couples who divorced after six years only turned towards each other’s bids 33% of the time, while couples who stayed together did so 86% of the time (source).

Turning towards is simple: it means acknowledging your partner’s bid, even if it’s just a smile, a nod, or a “tell me more.” It’s about showing up, being present, and saying, “I see you, and you matter to me.”

Why Turning Towards Matters

  • Builds trust and emotional safety
  • Deepens intimacy and passion
  • Creates a positive feedback loop of connection
  • Helps you weather conflicts and stress together

Every time you respond to a bid, you’re making a deposit in your relationship’s “emotional bank account.” Missed or ignored bids, on the other hand, slowly drain that account, leading to distance and resentment.

The Science Behind Bids for Connection

Bids for connection aren’t just feel-good fluff — they’re backed by decades of research. According to Gottman, emotional bids are the building blocks of healthy relationships. They help you:

  • Build resilience: Couples who respond to bids are better at bouncing back from arguments and stress.
  • Increase satisfaction: Regular, positive responses to bids are linked to happier, more passionate relationships.
  • Foster vulnerability: When you feel safe making small bids, you’re more likely to open up about bigger, deeper feelings.

And it’s not just about romance. Bids for connection matter in all close relationships, from friendships to families. But in romantic partnerships, they’re the glue that keeps you close — even when life gets messy.

Common Challenges: Why We Miss Bids

Let’s be real: nobody’s perfect. We all miss bids sometimes, whether we’re distracted by work, stressed out, or just plain tired. Here are some common reasons couples struggle with bids:

  • Bid blindness: Not recognizing your partner’s subtle attempts to connect.
  • Bid anxiety: Fear of rejection makes you hesitant to reach out.
  • Negative cycles: Missed bids lead to fewer attempts, creating a disconnect.
  • External stress: Life’s pressures make it harder to notice or respond.

If you or your partner are neurodivergent, you might express or interpret bids differently. That’s totally normal! The key is to talk openly about your needs and find rituals that work for both of you.

How Vuln Love Makes Bids for Connection Effortless

We get it — building healthy habits can feel overwhelming. That’s why we created Vuln Love: to make connection easy, fun, and totally doable, even on your busiest days.

Here’s how our 12-week challenge helps you master bids for connection:

  • Daily connection practices: Simple, science-backed activities like talks, hugs, and kisses.
  • Short, engaging videos: Learn something new about love and connection every day.
  • Weekly dates and experiences: Make memories together, not just routines.
  • Deep relationship checkups: Get personal insights into your unique bond.
  • Personal tutor: Support and encouragement every step of the way.

All for less than the cost of a single therapy session — just $120 for 12 weeks of transformation.

Ready to start? Join Vuln Love today.

Practical Tips: Strengthen Your Bids for Connection

Want to see real change? Try these simple, research-backed strategies:

1. Notice the Little Things

Pay attention to your partner’s bids — no matter how small. A sigh, a glance, a random question about your day. These are all invitations to connect.

2. Turn Towards, Not Away

Even if you’re busy, acknowledge your partner’s bid. A quick “I hear you,” or “Let’s talk after dinner” goes a long way.

3. Create Connection Rituals

Set aside time each day for a check-in, a hug, or a shared laugh. Rituals make connection automatic.

4. Repair Missed Bids

If you miss a bid, own it. “Sorry I was distracted earlier. What were you saying?” Vulnerability builds trust.

5. Celebrate Each Other

When your partner turns towards your bid, show appreciation. Gratitude is contagious.

For more practical advice, check out resources like the Gottman Institute’s guide to emotional bids and this relationship skills PDF.

Bids for Connection PDF & Further Reading

Want to dive deeper? Download a bids for connection PDF for a handy reference, or explore Psychology Today’s take on emotional bids.

FAQ: Bids For Connection & Vuln Love

What is a bid for connection? A bid for connection is any attempt to get your partner’s attention, affection, or support — like a question, a touch, or a shared story.

How do I know if I’m missing my partner’s bids? If you notice more distance, less conversation, or more arguments, you might be missing bids. Try tracking your interactions for a week to spot patterns.

What if my partner doesn’t respond to my bids? Talk openly about what connection looks like for each of you. Sometimes, partners express or notice bids differently. Vuln Love’s daily practices can help you both get on the same page.

Can Vuln Love help us if we’re already struggling? Absolutely. Our programs are designed to support couples at any stage — whether you’re thriving or just trying to reconnect.

Is Vuln Love a replacement for therapy? We’re not therapy, and we don’t give advice. We offer support, tools, and science-backed practices to help you build healthy habits together. If you need professional help, therapy is always a great option.

Take the Next Step

Building a deeply connected relationship doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. With Vuln Love, you get fun, meaningful practices that fit into your real life — no lectures, no judgment, just genuine support.

Ready to make every day a little more connected? Start your 12-week challenge now and discover the power of turning towards each other, one bid at a time.

References & Further Reading:

Let’s make connection your new superpower — together.