08.10.2024
4 minutes
By Greg White,
Verified by Igor Kamenev
Jealousy. Just hearing the word might make you cringe. It’s that sneaky little emotion that shows up when we feel threatened or insecure. But here’s the thing: jealousy doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel a little twinge when things seem off.
The trick is learning how to deal with it in a healthy way so it doesn’t become a full-blown monster that wrecks your relationship. Ready to take jealousy down a notch and build something even stronger in its place? Let’s dive in.
Jealousy happens when we feel like something valuable (aka our partner) is being threatened. That could be real or just in our heads. Maybe your partner spends a lot of time with their coworkers, and you feel left out. Or maybe they get a lot of attention on social media, and you can’t help but feel a little twitch of envy.
Whatever the trigger, jealousy is usually a sign that there’s something deeper going on, like fear of losing the relationship or not feeling good enough.
Insecurity and jealousy are like peanut butter and jelly—they tend to show up together. When we feel unsure of ourselves, it’s easier to get jealous. If you’re constantly worried you’re not good enough or that your partner is going to find someone “better,” jealousy will stick around like an uninvited guest at a party.
Own It, Don’t Bury It
The first step to overcoming jealousy is admitting it’s there. Denying it only gives it more power. So, if you feel jealous, acknowledge it. It’s okay to feel that way, but it’s not okay to let it control you.
Check the Facts
Jealousy often runs on assumptions, not facts. Ask yourself: “Is there actual proof that something’s wrong, or am I imagining worst-case scenarios?” Chances are, it's the latter.
Talk About It
No, not a dramatic confrontation! Instead, calmly bring up your feelings. Something like, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a bit insecure about all the time you’ve been spending at work lately. Can we chat about it?” Be open to their side too—after all, they might not even realize you’re feeling this way.
Work on Self-Confidence
Jealousy thrives in insecurity. Building up your confidence can help ease those anxious feelings. Focus on what makes you awesome—because you are! When you feel good about yourself, the idea of losing someone doesn’t seem as scary.
Set Realistic Boundaries
If certain situations trigger your jealousy (like too much time apart or excessive texting with someone else), talk about boundaries that work for both of you. The goal isn’t control but creating mutual respect and understanding.
Trust is the opposite of jealousy. When you trust your partner and yourself, jealousy has a hard time sticking around. Trust is built little by little—through honesty, consistency, and mutual respect. Keep communication open, and when something feels off, talk about it before it becomes a bigger issue.
What’s one situation that makes me feel jealous, and is there evidence that I should really be worried?
When I feel jealous, I usually:
a) Bottle it up
b) Talk about it with my partner
c) Assume the worst and get upset
My partner talks to someone I don’t know well. My reaction is:
a) Cool, no problem
b) I feel a little weird, but I trust them
c) I get jealous and want to ask a lot of questions
When I feel insecure, I tend to:
a) Focus on what’s wrong with me
b) Remind myself of my strengths
c) Look for reassurance from my partner
Yes! Jealousy is a normal emotion, but it’s how you handle it that matters. A little jealousy is okay, but constant jealousy can harm your relationship.
Work on your self-confidence, communicate openly with your partner, and check whether your jealousy is based on facts or assumptions.
Be patient and understanding. Talk openly about why they feel this way and work together to build trust and address their concerns.
Past experiences can impact how we feel in new relationships. Acknowledge those feelings, but remember that your current relationship is different. Don’t let old fears control new situations.
In small doses, jealousy can be a reminder to value and appreciate your partner. But when it gets too intense, it’s time to address it before it causes bigger problems.
