When it comes to building a relationship that actually lasts, it’s not the grand gestures or the picture-perfect moments that matter most. It’s the small, everyday ways we reach out to each other — what relationship science calls “bids for connection.” At Vuln Love, we’re obsessed with helping couples recognize, respond to, and create these moments, because we know they’re the real glue of intimacy.

What Are Bids for Connection?

A “bid for connection” is any attempt to get your partner’s attention, affection, or emotional support. It could be as simple as a smile, a question about your day, or a quick text that says “thinking of you.” These bids are the heartbeat of healthy relationships — they’re how we say, “Hey, I’m here. Do you see me?”

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, calls these the “fundamental unit of emotional communication.” And here’s the kicker: how you and your partner respond to each other’s bids for attention can literally predict the future of your relationship.

Why Bids for Connection Matter

Let’s get real: nobody’s perfect at this. Life gets busy, stress piles up, and sometimes we miss or ignore those little bids for affection. But the science is clear — responding to bids for connection is one of the strongest predictors of relationship happiness and longevity.

Key facts:

  • Couples in happy, lasting relationships respond positively to each other’s bids for connection about 86% of the time.
  • Partners who ignore 50% or more of each other’s bids are much more likely to end up divorced.
  • In thriving relationships, there are about 20 positive interactions (bids and responses) for every negative one.

(Source: Gottman Institute, Psychology Today)

Bids for Connection Examples

Bids in relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Here are some real-life bids for attention and affection:

  • “Can you help me with this?” (bid for support)
  • A playful nudge or wink (bid for affection)
  • “Did you see that funny meme I sent?” (bid for shared experience)
  • “I had a rough day.” (emotional bid)
  • Reaching for your hand while walking (bid of affection)

Sometimes, bids are loud and clear. Other times, they’re subtle — a sigh, a glance, a gentle touch. The magic happens when we notice and respond.

How to Respond to Bids for Connection

According to Gottman’s research, there are three main ways to respond to a bid for connection:

  1. Turning Toward: You acknowledge and engage. “Tell me more!” or a simple smile back.
  2. Turning Away: You ignore or miss the bid. (We’ve all been there — scrolling on our phones, lost in thought.)
  3. Turning Against: You respond with irritation or hostility. “Not now!” or “Why are you bothering me?”

Turning toward is where the magic happens. It’s how we say, “I see you. You matter.” And it’s the foundation of trust and intimacy.

Why We Miss Bids (And How to Get Better)

Missing a bid doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner. Sometimes we’re distracted, tired, or just don’t recognize what our partner needs. But the more we practice, the better we get.

Tips for catching more bids:

  • Put down your phone when your partner talks to you.
  • Notice the small ways your partner reaches out — verbal and non-verbal.
  • If you miss a bid, circle back: “Sorry, I was distracted earlier. What were you saying?”

How Vuln Love Makes Bids for Connection Easy

We built Vuln Love because we know how hard it can be to keep up with all the little moments that matter. Our app is designed to help you and your partner spot, respond to, and create more bids for connection — without feeling like you’re in therapy.

Here’s how we do it:

  • Daily Connection Practices: Each day, we give you simple, science-backed ways to make and respond to bids — talks, hugs, kisses, and more.
  • Short, Fun Videos: Learn about bids for attention, affection, and emotional connection in bite-sized, relatable videos.
  • Personal Insights: Our relationship checkups help you see your patterns — where you’re thriving and where you might be missing each other.
  • Weekly Dates & Experiences: We set you up with new ways to make bids for connection, so you’re never stuck in a rut.
  • Personal Tutor: Get gentle nudges and support, not lectures or judgment.

And the best part? Our 12-week challenge costs less than a single therapy session — just $120 for a lifetime of better connection. Try Vuln Love now.

The Science Behind Bids for Connection

We didn’t make this stuff up. Decades of research show that couples who consistently turn toward each other’s bids are happier, healthier, and more resilient. In fact, the ability to recognize and respond to bids is a better predictor of relationship success than how much you argue or even how “in love” you feel.

Expert insight: “Bids for connection are the currency of relationships. Every time you turn toward your partner, you’re making a deposit in your emotional bank account.” — Dr. John Gottman

Technology and Relationship Wellness

Apps like Vuln Love are changing the game for couples. By making it easy to practice daily connection, track your progress, and get personalized support, we’re helping couples build habits that last. According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who use relationship wellness apps report higher satisfaction and more positive daily interactions.

For more on how technology is supporting couples, check out Verywell Mind and Healthline’s guide to relationship apps.

Real-Life Bids for Connection: Stories from Couples

  • “My partner always sends me a good morning text. It’s small, but it makes me feel seen.”
  • “We started doing a 5-minute hug every night. It’s our way of reconnecting after a long day.”
  • “When I share a meme, I’m really saying, ‘I want to laugh with you.’”

These are the moments that add up. With Vuln Love, you’ll find new ways to make and respond to bids for affection every single day.

FAQ: Bids for Connection and Vuln Love

What’s a bid for connection, really? It’s any attempt to get your partner’s attention, affection, or support — big or small.

What if I miss a bid? It’s normal! Just acknowledge it and reconnect. “Sorry I missed that — can you tell me again?”

How can Vuln Love help with bids in relationships? We give you daily practices, reminders, and insights so you can spot and respond to more bids — building habits that last.

Is Vuln Love a replacement for therapy? We’re not therapy. We’re your daily support system, making connection easy and fun. For serious issues, therapy is important — but for everyday connection, we’ve got you.

How much does it cost? Our 12-week challenge is just $120 — less than one session of couples therapy.

Take the Next Step Toward Deeper Connection

Bids for connection are the real secret to lasting love. With Vuln Love, you’ll learn to spot, respond to, and create more of these moments — building a relationship that feels safe, playful, and deeply connected.

Ready to start your journey? Download Vuln Love today and see how small moments can change everything.

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