08.10.2024
3 minutes
By Greg White,
Verified by Igor Kamenev
Let’s face it—relationships aren’t a fairy tale (no glass slippers, no magical pumpkin carriages). But that’s actually the good news! Why? Because real-life relationships, with all their quirks and surprises, can be even better. It just takes a little tweaking in how we think about them, especially when it comes to expectations.
You might not realize it, but you probably have a mental checklist for your partner. Things like:
Sounds dreamy, right? Well, here’s the kicker: no one is a mind reader or a 24/7 romance machine. And that’s okay! The trick to a happy relationship is figuring out how to manage those high-flying hopes with what’s actually realistic.
At first, it feels harmless. Maybe you expect your partner to always be super thoughtful or to remember every little thing you mention. When they don’t, you get frustrated. Not because they did something wrong, but because your expectation wasn’t met. This leads to disappointment, which eventually creates a rift between the two of you.
Now, managing these expectations doesn’t mean lowering your standards. Instead, it’s about balancing the dream and the reality. It's like having your cake and eating it too, just not expecting your partner to bake it for you every time!
Talk About Them, Don’t Assume
No one can guess what’s in your head—communication is key. Be open about what you’re hoping for and check if it’s realistic or needs adjusting.
Shift Focus from Perfection to Effort
Forget the movie-perfect romance. Focus on your partner’s efforts and the little things they do every day. A thoughtful text can mean more than grand gestures.
Expect Change, Not Constancy
We all grow and evolve, and that’s a good thing! Expecting your partner to remain the same person forever can lead to frustration. Celebrate the growth, embrace the change.
Practice Gratitude
Notice the positives. Expecting too much can sometimes make you overlook the awesome things your partner is doing. A little appreciation goes a long way.
Balance Wants and Needs
Wants are nice-to-haves; needs are must-haves. If you expect everything to be a "must-have," you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Clarify what really matters to you.
Some people think managing expectations means settling, but it’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about being realistic and appreciating your relationship for what it is—not what you wish it could be. When you learn to manage expectations, you open up space for curiosity, playfulness, and genuine connection—making your relationship even better than imagined!
What expectation do I have in my relationship that might be too high or unrealistic?
Do you tend to assume your partner knows how you're feeling without you saying anything?
a) Yes
b) No
When your partner makes a small gesture (like a morning coffee), do you:
a) Feel happy they thought of you
b) Wish they had done something bigger
If your partner doesn’t meet an expectation, what’s your first reaction?
a) Get frustrated and shut down
b) Talk about it and see what can be done differently
It's normal for people to fall short sometimes. The key is open communication. Share your feelings, but also be ready to listen and understand their side.
Not lower—adjust. It’s about finding the right balance between what you want and what’s realistic.
No way! In fact, when expectations are managed well, it can free up space for more fun, spontaneity, and closeness.
Have a conversation. Share how you feel and talk about realistic solutions that work for both of you.
Ask yourself if what you're expecting is reasonable or if it's based on a fantasy version of your partner. If it feels impossible to meet, it might be time to re-evaluate.
