Finding the Sweet Spot Between What We Hope For and What We Get

Let’s face it—relationships aren’t a fairy tale (no glass slippers, no magical pumpkin carriages). But that’s actually the good news! Why? Because real-life relationships, with all their quirks and surprises, can be even better. It just takes a little tweaking in how we think about them, especially when it comes to expectations.

What Are Relationship Expectations Anyway?

You might not realize it, but you probably have a mental checklist for your partner. Things like:

  • “They should always know when I’m upset!”
  • “I’ll never have to repeat myself—they’ll just get me.”
  • “Romantic gestures every week!”

Sounds dreamy, right? Well, here’s the kicker: no one is a mind reader or a 24/7 romance machine. And that’s okay! The trick to a happy relationship is figuring out how to manage those high-flying hopes with what’s actually realistic.

How Unrealistic Expectations Sneak Up On You

At first, it feels harmless. Maybe you expect your partner to always be super thoughtful or to remember every little thing you mention. When they don’t, you get frustrated. Not because they did something wrong, but because your expectation wasn’t met. This leads to disappointment, which eventually creates a rift between the two of you.

Now, managing these expectations doesn’t mean lowering your standards. Instead, it’s about balancing the dream and the reality. It's like having your cake and eating it too, just not expecting your partner to bake it for you every time!

Practical Ways to Manage Expectations in Your Relationship

  1. Talk About Them, Don’t Assume
    No one can guess what’s in your head—communication is key. Be open about what you’re hoping for and check if it’s realistic or needs adjusting.

  2. Shift Focus from Perfection to Effort
    Forget the movie-perfect romance. Focus on your partner’s efforts and the little things they do every day. A thoughtful text can mean more than grand gestures.

  3. Expect Change, Not Constancy
    We all grow and evolve, and that’s a good thing! Expecting your partner to remain the same person forever can lead to frustration. Celebrate the growth, embrace the change.

  4. Practice Gratitude
    Notice the positives. Expecting too much can sometimes make you overlook the awesome things your partner is doing. A little appreciation goes a long way.

  5. Balance Wants and Needs
    Wants are nice-to-haves; needs are must-haves. If you expect everything to be a "must-have," you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Clarify what really matters to you.

It’s All About Adjusting, Not Settling

Some people think managing expectations means settling, but it’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about being realistic and appreciating your relationship for what it is—not what you wish it could be. When you learn to manage expectations, you open up space for curiosity, playfulness, and genuine connection—making your relationship even better than imagined!

Self-Reflection Question:

What expectation do I have in my relationship that might be too high or unrealistic?

Quick Quiz:

  1. Do you tend to assume your partner knows how you're feeling without you saying anything?

    a) Yes
    b) No

  2. When your partner makes a small gesture (like a morning coffee), do you:

    a) Feel happy they thought of you
    b) Wish they had done something bigger

  3. If your partner doesn’t meet an expectation, what’s your first reaction?

    a) Get frustrated and shut down
    b) Talk about it and see what can be done differently